'Titan, where have you been?" queried Jim Addiss 'Abada' as your 'bullshitting blogger' made his first appearance on a tennis court in five weeks. The 'immobile minotaur' has been struggling through the winter months with an enduring cold, constant earaches from infected sinuses, and the pain associated with recently extracted wisdom teeth! So was it any wonder that TennisTitan had the doors blown off (0-6), when pairing with 'Big Al' DioDati against Joe 'I'll show you no mercy, blowhard!" Cruz in today's first set at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'Abada' came to his senses for the second (4-6) and third (6-3) sets when he agreed to pair with TT against ''Big Al'/'Gimpy Knees' Cruz. Both sets were highly competitive with TT/'Abada' opening up a break (second set) and double break leads (third set) that were difficult to maintain. By the third set the 'bombastic bloviator' had pop on his serve and was effective with his lobs but never got his groundies up to par. 'GK' was smoking with his returns and did the heavy lifting. 'Abada,' usually a lock with his lefty serve on the ad-side, struggled and his net game was not up to his usual high standards. As the boys met at net for picture time 'Big Al' wished all a Happy Easter and subtley reminded the Titan, "Tom, Jesus was raised from the dead, maybe your game will come back too!" 'Gimpy Knees' exclaimed 'maybe he can do something for your vision like that guy in the gospel." 'Abada' quipped, "He's already changed water into WHINE for the Titan, let's not expect another miracle."
TennisTitan is back in Yonkers chomping at the bit to get back on the Kinsley courts. Rain/snow in this weekend's forecast and an extra day (today) in winter this year makes TT an unhappy camper!
"Titan, today you are the king of all of Africa" proclaimed Jim Addiss 'Abada' titular heir apparent to Haile Selassie. The 'immobile minotaur' had led the tandem of TT/'Abada' to an exhilerating (10-8) victory in the only set played to completion this date at the Yonkers Tennis Center. The second set ended (4-3, 40-15 partial) but had the same flavor as the opener with its waxes and wanes. Indeed, 'Big Al' DioDati and Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz were most formidable, battling back from 4-2 down to attempt to serve it out at 5-6, 30-love when TT decided that he would not be denied. During the 12th game the 'bloated behemoth' fought off three set points, executed 2 surprising digs at net, before evening it at 6-6. The 'bombastic bloviator' came up big consistently in the extra sessions also. The 'egomaniacal egotist' found the range on his first serve in games 13 and 17 rifling 2 aces and 2 service winners to keep the pressure on the determined adversaries. 'Abada' was crisp with his put-away volleys at crunch time, pouncing on defensive returns generated from Titan's penetrating groundies. As the boys met at net a disgruntled 'Big Al' lamented, "Titan, you are a total bore on the court with your insipid, redundant comments, "Respect, the Titan." "Feeling InTOMidated?!" "Give me something I like." 'Gimpy Knees' babbled in espanol, "El Gigante, usted es hombre malo y muy feo." To wit 'Abada' quipped, "Haile Selassie my ass, Titan is highly entertaining and he bore down when the chips were on the table. On to Pretoria!" Titan interjected, "No Jim, I'll be in Sarasota, Fl. next week, not South Africa."
"Titan, there's no other way to describe it. This was your Super Bowl" gleamed a euphoric Bill "Energizer Bunny Legs" Tully at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this date. 'Bunny Legs,' I was in two-minute drill mode the entire 90 minutes on the court. When 'Big Al' told me that a balanced foursome would have him play with Tom 'FDNY' Conaty relegating the 'bloviating bullshitter' to pair with Tully, the gauntlet was thrown. TT had pop on his serve and sufficient jump to the ball to enable the Tullyville Trolley to roll to a resounding (6-1) thrashing of the upstarts. The second set was another matter, however. 'FDNY' matched 'EBL' in hustle to the ball and began to dominate on his serve. In rescue mode, FDNY settled into poaching at net to shorten the points whenever possible to limit 'Big Al's inability to cover the baseline against the placement returns from 'EBL' and the 'Yonkers Yakker's effective lobbing. The strategy brought them back from a 4-1 deficit only to succumb to the tandem of TT/'EBL' (6-4). As the crew met at net the weary, retired NYC fireman playing against the 'bombastic blowhard' for the first time opined, "TennisTitan, 'EBL' must have been on the job - he's one of New York's bravest to have you as a partner." "No way" quipped 'Big Al,' "Tully's just one of New York's deafest." Titan retorted, " No Al, that's why Roy 'Mr Spin' Marzullo is often my partner. Tully drew me because you thought you'd outplay me. You forgot I excelled at Chutes and Ladders as a kid. I put out the fire for Tully when I served it out at 5-4!"
"Honey, do you think TennisTitan enjoyed my game?" queried Karen Klein to hubby Walt 'Show Me' Klein at the conclusion of play this morning at Blue Crab Key. "Baby-Cakes, any time that 'bombastic bloviator' manages one of his rare three set sweeps on the court, he'd probably buy us dinner if you'd come back." "I thought you were kidding when you asked me to bring ear plugs, but when those condo owners came out from their meeting 'asking quiet on the court' it put it in perspective for me." However, Titan let his racquet speak loudest this day as he and Jim 'Royalty' Cherfoli drove a wedge between the marital bond of the Kleins with their persuasive (6-4, 6-2) thrashings of the Missourians. For good measure the 'Yonkers Yakker' contributed significantly as 'Show Me's partner in the (6-2) humbling given to 'Royalty'/and Mrs. K. As the group met at net for the obligatory pictures Karen fired her third ace of the day against the 'immobile minatour'. "No way you call me 'Slo-Mo' Klein without paying the price. From now on Walt and I will refer to you as TennisTRITON. Afterall, judging by your size and movement on the court, you probably use a pitch fork to feed that gut of yours." Cherfoli quipped, "Titan, no way will I bring my wife to Blue Crab. I can get into trouble at home without your help!"
"Titan, recovering from playing with you is worse than an operation."
"Walt, no charge for this V. A. treatment" boomed the 'bombastic bloviator' at the conclusion of their hard fought [7-6 (3)] victory in today's finale at Blue Crab Key. TennisTitan had wisely elected to pair with Walt "Show Me" Klein in the third set. The 'immobile minotaur' needed all the help he could get to eke out his second victory of the morning. 'Coach' Klein proved up to the task, if only barely. "Titan is a lot to carry," preened the man from Missouri to opponents Ed 'call me Fast Eddie' Lubejko and Jim 'Royalty' Cherfoli. a newbie to BCK play. The 'bloated behemoth's energy had dropped as 'Fast Eddie's improved and 'Royalty' regained first set form. TT/'Royalty' had pummeled 'Show Me'/'Fast Eddie' (6-1) in the opener. Titan played his strongest set in a losing effort (4-6) with 'Fast Eddie' against the superior fire power offered by the tandem of 'Show Me'/'Royalty' in set two. As the foursome met at net Jim opined, "Titan, I said I live at the Royal Tee Country Club - only my wife is 'royalty' in my house." Lubejko chimed in, "Titan, no more of this 'Slow Eddie' sobriquet for me. I am as good looking as Paul Newman, so call me 'Fast Eddie' like in his movie 'The Hustler." 'Coach' Klein inquired, "Yonkers Yakker, what's this VA stuff?" To wit Tennis Titan quipped as the boys headed for their cars, 'Coach, today I Showed YOU. V.A. simply means 'victory assured' when Titan is at your side." (Pictures to be posted from NY)
And to that TennisTitan says 'Amen!' Your Titan awoke at 2:30 AM this morning in anticipation of watching 'Fed' do his thing against Djokovic at the Australian Semis. Unlike the premier men's tennis player of this era the 'bombastic bloviator' was able to do his thing against his arch nemesis in singles at the Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club. At 9:30 AM Titan engaged George 'Genealogist' Pratt in three sets and administered a whipping that made Djokovic' beat-down against Sir Roger look tame. Titan ran the table (6-3, 6-1, 6-2) in a two hour marathon that had the snow birds at the revered Pinellas County tennis facility clammoring for more. Titan had pop on the serve and limited jump to the ball effectively keeping his better conditioned opponent off balance throughout the match. As the boys met at net Titan graciously invited his defeated tennis host and aficianado out to lunch at the Lucky Dill restaurant in nearby Palm Harbor to celebrate the 'Genealogist' birthday. George opined, "Titan Lake Tarpon has heretofore always been famous for its large mouth bass. Today, I decree, we add another syllable. Lake Tarpon (Tennis and Sail) is now infamous for its Large Mouth Bastard."
"Titan, perhaps you should stay 'retired' commented Darryl 'Wolverine' Tison upon completion of two sets of tennis played at Blue Crab Key this date. The 'Wolverine' had wisely elected not to pair with the 'immobile minotaur' for the sets played with the Van Dycks this morning. Your TennisTitan partnered with Ron 'Michigander' Van Dyck in the opener (3-6) against Joann 'Server' Van Dyck and the 'Wolverine.' TT/'Michigander' valiantly stayed in the set until losing the critical multi-deuce seventh game before letting it all slip away with some shoddy play. 'Server's game dropped just enough in the second set to enable the two men from Michigan to walk away with the honors (4-6) as TT hopes for victory went awry with Joann's volleys at net. Titan was far more disappointed with his pains following the match than he was with his shot production. After a layoff from the racket of three weeks TT was still a presence on the court. The 'boisterous behemoth' had pop on the serve and effective lobs to complement his groundies, but could generate no jump to the ball with his ever increasing problems with his legs. As the foursome met at net, Ron opined, "Titan, maybe you should change the style of your beard to a 'Van Dyck' - then no one in Yonkers would know how badly your game has disintegrated." Joann, a waitress for many years at Capt. Con's in Bokeelia remarked, "Titan, now it's MY TURN TO GIVE YOU A TIP. - Don't bet on yourself on any match you compete in - you'll go broke."
TennisTitan will be trolling the courts of Lee County Florida these next four weeks when not being beaten by Red Fish and Snook in Pine Island Sound. You can hook him into a match with ease. Your lure: "Wanna Play, TT?" Give him a call and build your confidence.
"Titan, maybe you shouldn't have picked up the phone or the tennis racket," so commented 'Big Al' Dio Dati upon completion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. Your 'Whorin' Hobo' could not say 'no' to 'Big Al' when the Titan received a hurry up call, 'we need a fourth' at game time.' In a flash TT donned his tennis togs and was on the court in 25 minutes. And that my dear readers, was the only quickness the Titan displayed this date. The 'bloated behemoth' paired with Jim Addiss 'Abada' against 'Big Al' and the ever formidable Bill 'EBL' Tully. In a well played first set TT/'Abada' succumbed (3-6) when they were unable to break through against 'Big Al's service games. 'Energizer Bunny Leg's played his consistent game but 'Big Al' more than carried his own weight making critical gets and service saves throughout the match. TT had no jump to the ball and was outplayed from start to finish. The 'blogging bullshitter'/'Abada' were down 1-5 in the second set when a group of 8 year old girls were led on to the court by their instructor shouting, "Mercy Rule, Mercy Rule." As the boys left the court 'EBL' tried to buck up the the spirits of the 'despondent debaucher' with "Titan, we need you here. You keep the score great, and make the best line calls!" 'Big Al' trumped that with "And you make me feel young! Thanks for coming."
"Cousin Gene will rub my nose in this for months Titan. The third set is about heart you always say. Okay, you won that set with him. But from now on my partner in the fourth set will be Dr. Heimlich, not the TennisTitan that is for damn sure!" fumed Frank 'Slats' Slattery at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center. TT/'Slats' had just dropped a heart breaker to Gene 'King' Slattery and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci (8-10) to end three hours of doubles play. Up 5-1 in the final set TT/'Slats' just couldn't reel it in and saw their lead turn into a 5-6 deficit before extending play for another 30 minutes. Titan had a strong day on the court using his guile and lobbing ability in all four sets before tiring late in the match. The 'boisterous bloviator'and 'RRR' came back from 2-5 in the opener before dropping set 1 (4-6) to the cousins from Dobbs Ferry. The second set had TT/'Slats' run rough shod over 'King' and an over matched 'Rockin' Rick (6-2). 'Bloated Behemoth' and My Liege held on for a (6-4) victory over 'Slats'/'RRR' in the third set. As an omen of things to come, TT saw a 5-1 lead shrink to 5-4 before icing the set. As the boys met at net the foursome all commented on the high level of today's play when 'Rockin Rick' interjected, 'Titan, this was some fun tennis. The King and I won our $5/man bet against you guys that last set." The 'King' smiled and said "They may make musicals about me Titan, but let's just say, I gave you a Royal Flush to ease the pain you must have in your throat right about now." Cousin 'Slats' quipped "Hey, we all won. TennisTitan had prepaid for two hours of court time when we played a solid three hours on a rainy day in Yonkers. As far as I'm concerned this fat bearded, bespectacled guy is Santa Claus!"
TennisTitan was joined by a subbing Herbie 'Love Bug' Engle as his partner this date at the Yonkers Tennis Center. TT/Love Bug competed admirably against 'Big Al' DioDati and an also subbing Vladimir 'The Russkie' in two evenly played sets. Titan and 'LB' rallied from 4-5 down to take the opener (7-5). The second set was incomplete at 4-4 when time was called. Titan played two strong sets limiting his unforced errors to a handful and kept The Love Bug in most points. Indeed, many points were decided by Herb's play at net, either put-away volleys or shanks. 'Russkie' plays a solid game from the back court, possesses an adequate forehand and utilizes his relative quickness well. 'Big Al'/'Russkie' wisely chose to play the short angles or hit at the feet of the Ardsley octogenarian. As the foursome met at net Vladimir opined, "Mr. Titan, my government was fearful of America's missile bearing your name. I have no such problem with that misguided rocket that you call 'your serve'!" Herbie quipped, "this Love Bug is more afraid of being squashed by the out-of-control running of the 'bloated behemoth' on the court!" To wit 'Big Al' observed, "TennisTitan, - run? Bug Man, you're just not old, you're delusional."
"Titan, who the hell do you think you are...Ponce De Leon? The Yonkers Tennis Center is your Fountain of Youth!'' chorused Tom 'Mick' Ahern, Herbie 'The Love Bug' Engle and the 'Lean, Lanky Lefty' - Ed Gordon at the conclusion of today's play. The 'bloated behemoth', at least 15 years junior than any one in this venerable trio, could do no wrong this date. The 'boisterous bloviator' paired in the first two sets with the 'Love Bug' and dominated 'Triple L' and the 'Mick' (6-1, 6-1). TT did not bring pop to his game today, wishing instead to hone his placement serve and precision returns, both in the doubles allies and down the seam against men no more mobile than he. Talk about slow motion tennis! Set three saw TennisTitan pair with fellow Irishman Tom 'Mick' Ahern against the Semitic duo. "The Jews didn't win this war" commented the 'egotistical ego maniac' at the conclusion of another (6-1) thrashing authored by the 'bullshitting blogger' with the "Map of Ireland" at his side. "I was born in Bally Knock, Ireland many years ago" said Ahern at net as the boys met for pictures. "Gees, remarked the 'Lean, Lanky, Lefty,' I thought a "Tom-Tom" was a global positioning device for your car." "Not so" quipped the 'Love Bug' - "Today, "Tom-Tom" meant the TennisTitan was everywhere on the court!"
"The sun set on your game long before I dropped the hammer on you in the second set," chirped Jeff 'Big Daddy' Briscoe in the twilight at Dallas White Park in Northport Fl. That scion of sarcasm was reminding his ol' man that his first set (3-6) victory over the TennisTitan in the glare of the setting sun was as satisfying as the (1-6) dismantling of the 'bombastic bloviator' in the embers of daylight. The 'bloated behemoth' played well - sans any jump to the ball - in the two set affair that was played in late afternoon. TT was unable to threaten the agile attorney in the critical break point opportunities that the 'immobile minotaur' was able to generate. The disappointed senior member of the Briscoe fraternity of tennis players remarked, "Jeff, you ran down my supposed winners a lot quicker than any of your creditors chased you down - and you had success!" The victorious progeny retorted, "Pops, as they say in bankruptcy procedures 'them's the breaks'! Titan commented as pictures were taken, "at least I made you sweat" to wit the barrister countered, "physically maybe, but not figuratively!"
The Titan made his maiden appearance this winter season at the Phillips Park Tennis Courts. To his great surprise and pleasure he was invited to participate in an excellent doubles game subbing for a departing player. TennisTitan paired with Ron 'Michigander' Van Dyke in the first set against Kim 'Along Came' Jones and Joanne 'First Mate' Van Dyke. Trailing 2-5 the 'bombastic bloviator' pulled his game together to support 'Michigander' in an effort that just fell short at (4-6). Titan played along side of 'First Mate' whose game is FIRST RATE in the second and third sets. The 'immobile minotaur' did his part in assisting the waitress at Capt. Con's restaurant to victories (6-3, 6-4) over her hubby and Kim. As the foursome met at net TT remarked, "Too bad I forgot my camera." First Mate commented, "Too bad you don't have a serve! If I served as badly as you at Captain Con's I'd lose my job."
"Titan, didn't you mean to say "clear as a bell" queried Nancy 'Teacherette' Pratt at the conclusion of their two set match at the Tarpon Sail and Tennis Club. "No way" retorted the TennisTitan," "These guys remind me of clowns on the court against us, Nancy." The 'bombastic bloviator' had just helped put the spark back in the marriage of the 'Teacherette' and her husband, George 'Genealogist' Pratt with their (6-4, 6-1) spanking this morning. A befuddled Bob Smith, the 'Genealogist's partner in this debacle, lamented as the foursome left the court. "Titan, I'll gladly accept the moniker of 'Buffalo Bob' Smith in your write up of our performance. But please call George 'Clarabell the Clown.' All he can do is honk on the court anyway. His racquet doesn't do the talking for him, that's for sure. And consider yourself the Mayor of Doodyville off your fine performance today. Phineas T. Bluster has nothing on you. Because that's what your tennis game mostly is: BLUSTER!"
"Well, Georgie, maybe your surname does fit you" teased the TennisTitan upon completion of his three set sweep of George "Genealogist' Pratt this morning at the Tarpon Tennis and Sail Club in Tarpon Springs, Fl. The 'bloated behemoth' started his Southern Senior Tour on a decidedly upbeat note grinding out victories in sets two and three against the better conditioned athlete. Pratt, who can trace his lineage back to the Mayflower group of pilgrims apparently had no tennis players in the family tree. The Titan, who proudly traces his conception back to a case of Schaffer Beer and a Victory-over-Japan celebration in the summer of 1945, must have had some brush with Don Budge, Bill Tilden or Fred Perry in a past life. How else can you explain TT surviving 7 break points in the first set and coming away with a (6-2) result. Maybe the word is Pratt fails, not prate falls! Set two was especially tough for the 'boisterous blowhard' when a determined 'Genealogist' made his mark early on, breaking the 'blogging bullshitter' twice, to be on serve at four games a piece. Enter the dragon. Your Titan came up with the goods breaking the 'Genealogist' in a triple deuce game and then serving out the set (6-4). The weary combatants signed on for a third set that had TT's 85 year-old host Harry Cardon commenting from the nearby bench, "What's this, 'slo-mo' tennis? I can run as fast as you two bums. I want winners!" Again, it was gut check time for the 'whining warrior' who squeaked out a love-forty game to break in the seventh game and ran the table to an impressive (6-3) victory. A disgusted 'Genealogist' remarked as the 'immobile minotaur' left the court. "Doubles tomorrow. We'll see if you are a 'bloviating braggart' when my wife is your partner!" (Great pictures to be uploaded at a later time.)
"Titan is this anyway to say goodbye" queried 'Rockin' Rick Ricci who was rocked by the TennisTitan at the YTC this morning. The 'bloated behemoth' paired with Hanibal the 'Caballero' against 'RRR' and Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman. Titan was precise with his groundies and lobs leading the way to a (6-0) clobbering of his opponents in the first set. With the teams remaining the same for the second set the 'bombastic blowhard'/'Caballero' had to pull out all stops to prevail (7-5) in an unexpectedly close contest that was significantly aided by the blown calls of his nearsighted opponents. 'RRR's errant call in game eight was a momentum changing mistake. TT/'Caballero' persevered making sure that no ball struck by them would go near the line as they rallied from a 4-5 deficit. The third set was a near complete with TT/'IT' being routed by 'RRR'/'Caballero 0-5 when time expired. The 'immobile minotaur' had run out of gas just as 'Israeli Time' imploded. As the boys met at net 'RRR' chided the 'boisterous bullshitter,' "Titan, I'd take umbrage at your criticism of my eyesight if I knew what the word meant. I figured I'd use it anyway because I worked at the New York Times for forty years and saw it in the paper many times." TT rejoined "I'll be playing in Florida for a couple of weeks, I doubt they use that word in the Fort Myers News-Press but I'll check."
"Titan, Ground Hog Day was one of my favorite movies. Who knew that it applies to tennis also," philosophized the business mogul of White Plains, Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman upon completion of play at the YTC this morning. 'IT' was beaming that he and the 'bloated behemoth' had closed out the final set with a (6-3) thumping of Ed 'LLL' Gordon and the estimable Hanibal the 'Caballero.' Just as yesterday, play opened up with Triple L teaming with 'Israeli Time' to face the harder hitting Argentinian Horseman and the 'bloviating blowhard' in a futile attempt (6-2) to quiet the 'blogging bullshitter.' Titan's second set with the Lean, Lanky, Lefty at his side was also a near reprise of yesterday's bagel (1-6). As the boys met at net to wish each other "Happy Thanksgiving" Yossi remarked, "A- Rod took some advice from my friend Warren to get back with the Yankees. Titan, now it is your turn for some counsel. 'Even I do not have enough money to pay for the lessons you would need to be the truly dominant player you already think you are. So don't waste yours on lessons! I thank Yahweh every time we play that even though he has diminished my sight (a minus against you), he has also limited my hearing (a plus against you) and given me the Midas touch at net and in real estate!" "Shalom" (picture to be uploaded at later time)
How about:
1) Playing on a rainy day
2) Going to Florida next week
3) Guys like you tolerate my crap
4) Readers that 'get' this blog. YOU
"Ah, Titan, can I suggest some 'L's' for you?" opined Ed 'LLL' Gordon upon completion of play at the YTC this morning. Perhaps, lethargic, lugubrious, lassitude, languid for your better educated readers. But LOUD, LAZY and LOSER is what even the illiterate would know about you! The 'bloated behemoth' joined with mates Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman, 'Lean, Lanky, Lefty Ed Gordon and Hanibal the 'Caballero' for some indoor tennis on a raw, rainy, Tuesday in Yonkers. TT paired with the 'Argentinian Horseman' in the first two sets and finessed his way to convincing (6-4, 6-1) victories. Hanibal was way off in his game, and with the 'egomaniacal egotist' keeping his foot off the gas, these two imbalanced sets were closer than anticipated. 'LLL's outburst was no doubt triggered by the bagel (0-6) administered to him by 'IT'/'Caballero' with the 'immobile minotaur' at his side. The fourth set ended 4-3 (on serve) emboldening the often Three Time Loser (LLL) to live in hope, only to die in despair. As the boys met at net Hanibal commented, "Titan, muy boca grande, pero mas talento pequeno." 'Israeli Time' queried, "Hanibal, did you tell the Titan, 'putting the key in the ignition is not enough - you must first have gas in the tank and then step on the accelerator!"
"Titan, I told you 'it would be a cold day in hell when your mates show the same commitment you do to Saturday tennis."
"Titan, hadn't you planned to call the blog 'Won and Done.' Guess that'll be for another day," snickered Frank 'Slats' Slattery at the completion of today's play at Kinsley. 'Slats,' with team mate George 'Chemist' Hauss had just come back to win their second set of the day (5-7) against the 'bellicose blowhard' and his partner Mike 'Not so' Stella. Indeed it was a disappointing morning at the yard for the 'blogging bullshitter' who waited patiently for more than one hour for the first set to be completed to get any action in. 'Slats'/'Chemist' had prevailed (7-6, 12-10) in their first set against 'Big Al' DioDati and Carl 'Speedy Legs' Gessman. Titan, never a fan of Mamby-Pamby Tennis, wherein a 5th person sits out until an on-court team wins a "first to four" set, now understands the meaning of 'fair weather friends.' 'Big Al'/'Speedy Legs' beat a hasty retreat out of the 40 degree temperatures unwilling to do as TT had done. A somewhat reluctant 'Stella Fella' came out of his car to brave the cold and pair with the 'bloated behemoth' in a set that slipped away. Stella volleys went awry in the 11th and 12th games and Titan lived up to his 'immobile minotaur' moniker attempting to swat at balls too cold to bounce with legs too achy to bend. As the boys met at net Titan bristled, "Boys your commitment to the game is not picture-worthy today." 'Slats' commented "Now we know why Carl wants to be known as 'Speedy,' rather than 'Spindly Legs." Mike pleaded, "Titan, can't you upgrade me to 'Occasionally' Stella off my play in the first part of the set today? 'Chemist'/'Slats' chortled, "We got to go now, our wives don't want us sick for Thanksgiving - but make sure everyone knows we're winners."
"No Titan, it was YOU who were on a roll" commented 'Rockin' Rick Ricci and George 'Chemist' Hauss upon completion of play this morning at Kinsley. The 'bumbling buffoon' had just capped off and incredible week on the courts. 'Mr. 'My Legs Hurt' competed at a high level (for the Titan) in the 15 sets of doubles played over the past six days. TennisTitan, still reeling from 'Chemist's email earlier in the week demanding to know why the 'bloated blowhard' did not show up at Kinsley on Sat. the 3rd, called said Chemist at 8 AM awakening him and assuring the Bunsen Burner that TT would be on the court shortly, with roller, broom and squeegee. An intrepid 'Rockin' Rick and a incredulous George 'Teacher' Febles were next on the speed dial and the foursome was set. The 'blogging bullshitter' supervised his minions in insuring the wet court would be suitable for play before stepping on to captivate a disbelieving Joe 'Gimpy Knees' Cruz in the spectators bench with an incredible display of near flawless tennis. Titan and 'Rockin' Rick romped to a (6-2) victory over the Georges in the opener. The 'immobile minotaur' split the Georges on the court with lasers down the middle more often the Einstein split the atom. The 'bombastic bloviator' continued that dominance in the second and third sets when pairing with the 'Chemist' in twin (6-3, 6-3) crushings of 'RRR'/'Teacher.' 'Rockin' looked like a subway turn style as TT's balls whizzed down the alley for winner after winner. The 'Teacher' was taken to school with Titan's precise forehand to the backhand corner or the deadly twist on the lob to the opposite corner. As the boys met at net to hear the 'ego maniacal egotist' preen 'Gimpy Knees' shouted through the fencing, "That's not the Titan I know. That mouth sounded the same, but the shot execution today tells me he's an imposter."
"Titan, thank God there are no Arabs here" said Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman at the completion of the fourth and final set played this morning at the Yonkers Tennis Center. 'Israeli Time' had just completed the super trifecta dropping his 4th consecutive set, this time at the side of the 'bullshitting blogger.' Yet the 'bombastic blowhard' was trumpeting his (3-6) defeat as a victory greater than the Six Day War of '67. TT's grabbing two games when down 1-5 gave the 'egomaniacal egotist' this days bragging rights, in that Yossi was trounced as Stan 'The Man' Scher's partner (6-2) in the opener when competing against Hanibal the 'Caballero'/TennisTitan. Mixing it up for sets two and three the 'bloated behemoth' joined with Stan 'The Man' and orchestrated a symphony of well executed lobs intermixed with lasers that found the middle seam with uncanny accuracy. Stanley used all his tools. He was deft at net and precise with his groundies. More importantly for the 'immobile minotaur' 'ToolMan' is indefatigable and able to cover those inevitable lobs over TT's head. The upshot: resounding (6-2, 6-1) thumpings of 'Israeli Time'/'Caballero'. As the boys met at net Yossi rationalized, "Thank God, Israelis may lose on the tennis ourt, but not on the battle field." The Argentinian Horseman quipped "Yossi, we could've used you in the Falklands in '82. Stanley commented, "Titan, are you meshuggah? I am Jewish too!"
"Titan, the effort was there, just not the ability. Perhaps you should consider golf. We all know you've got a handicap to begin with!" Titan had just carouseled through his Thursday afternoon group at the Yonkers Tennis Center and was receiving the unsolicited advice from all three of his partners as they gathered at net. TT paired with Bill 'Energizer Bunny Legs' Tully in the opener and the tandem eased to a (6-2) victory over Jim Addiss 'Abada' and Max 'Tutor' Tuckman. The 'belching bloviator's efforts as 'Abada's partner were insufficient to undo the superior court coverage of 'EBL' (3-6) with support from the 'Tutor' as necessary in the second set. TT/'Abada' dropped the last three games of the set that had been closely contested until 'EBL' started to dominate on cross court rallies with the 'immobile minotaur.' 'Tutor' and the 'bombastic blowhard' trailed 1-3 partial as time expired. At net 'EBL' opined, "Titan, you've got bad knees. Why punish yourself playing three, four times a week." Without missing a beat 'Tutor' quipped, "Bill are you crazy? Titan's punishing us by playing in our game once a week." Jim rejoined, "And what's this Addiss Abada crap? Halie Selassie wasn't on Ethiopia's Davis Cup team. He's playing Ryder Cup. "
"Titan, you don't bug me. I love the way you communicate wih your partner on the court," so rejoiced Herb (formerly) 'Over Matched' Engle at the conclusion of play at the Yonkers Tennis Center this morning. The 'bombastic blowhard' had fulfilled a promise made to himself at the beginning of play that he would play as necessary so that 'OM' would not go home an 'L-L-L,' a three set loser. No, TT had already coronated the Lean, Lanky Lefty, Ed Gordon with that appellation. To his chagrin the 'immobile minotaur' was paired with Yossi 'Israeli Time' Newman in the first set against 'LLL'/'OM.' For some reason the older, less mobile, less powerful tandem thought that they would have a chance if TT played with 'IT.' Happily, 'Israeli Time' was broken immediately and the under-powered adversaries got off to a quick two-love start. TennisTitan kept his foot off the gas and used his folly-floater exclusively in the (6-2) trouncing that was soon administered. The second set saw 'OM' join the 'bullshitting blogger' in a fun, 50 minute marathon against a determined Gordon-Newman team. Titan continued to use his second serve exclusively and stepped it up on defense, covering for 'Over Matched' as necessary on the baseline, and charging the net occasionally. The upshot - a come from behind (7-5) victory that had Herbie chortling when time was called during the third set (2-3 partial, on serve). The 80 year old Engle quipped at picture time, "Titan, I haven't tasted a victory so sweet since I hit a trifecta at Yonkers in '66." To wit the 'pathetic panderer' retorted, "Herbie, today, with me at your side, 'you were no longer 'Over Matched!' I dub thee "Herbie the LOVE BUG!"
"Titan, we finally had 'em on the ropes. It was they who were saved by the bell" chirped Hanibal the 'Caballero' as he and TT left the courts with the third set hanging in the balance. It was a morning of first class recreational doubles played at the Yonkers Tennis Center between teams with contrasting styles. Opposing 'Caballero'/TT were Stan 'The Man' Scher and 'Rockin' Rick Ricci. The ebb and flow of the three sets was notable. Each team had its runs and many points involved rallies of 20 balls or more with few games not going to deuce. TT could not believe that 'Caballero'/Titan had dug themselves into a 1-4 hole in the opener before getting in sync to hotly contest the first set (3-6). In set one 'Caballero's firepower was matched by 'The Man.' 'RRR' was equally adept at net negating Hanibal's mobility. Titan's lobs were effective but the 'bloated behemoth' lacked pop on the serve and pace on his groundies. Set two belonged to 'Caballero'/Titan ( 6-0) as they both hit bigger and more consistently than their opponents. Still, most games featured well played points and were competitive. Set three was a reprise of the entire match. To their great credit, 'RRR'/'The Man' held in the five-deuce opening game, then broke the Argentinian Horseman to gain the upper hand. The 'immobile minotaur' came up big in the fourth game to end 'RRR's/Man's run at three and turn the tide. Down 3-4, on serve, the 'bombastic blowhard' had just stepped to the service line when play was called. Stan, refusing to have his picture taken at net, hustled off to the locker room. The usually camera shy 'Caballero' exclaimed, "Titan, today I will pose with you. I know that the camera is your tool. I think Scher's afraid that you'll call him Stanley Tools again!"
